One of the more goofball gifts that came this Christmas (thanks mom!) was called “The Snowballer.” It is essentially a set of large garish red plastic tongs designed to scoop and form “perfect” snowballs. I was, at first, highly skeptical, but in retalliation for a well-planned ambush by Thomas and Ian yesterday, I put it to the test. With a little practice, I was able to make nice, nearly perfectly spherical snowalls almost as quickly as I could by hand. The snowy orbs flew true, and when they met their mark, they were soft enough that the crying was triggered not by the impact, but rather by a shower of snow down the jacket.

This was all as advertised. However, the Snowballer had two additional advantages of over the manual method of snowball formation: first, my ungloved hands did not get as cold, allowing me to rain far more missiles down on my children than would have otherwise been possible. Secondly, I was able to extend my reach to find snow that would have otherwise been inaccessible from my location, helping me keep my dear children cowering in the doorway where they were unable to fire back.

The Snowballer!

Oh yes, and a bit of advice for you parents out there: Don’t Google “Snowballer” when your kids are in the room, as you may find more than you’ve bargained for.